


Over Your Heart, A Shadow Lies

by kwillpleasedont



Category: NOIR (Korea Band)
Genre: Depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-28
Updated: 2018-11-28
Packaged: 2019-09-01 15:21:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16767769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kwillpleasedont/pseuds/kwillpleasedont
Summary: Seunghoon isn't having a very good day.





	Over Your Heart, A Shadow Lies

**Author's Note:**

> So. I've been gone for two months... I just didn't really have the motivation or the inspiration to write anything tbh... But! I was feeling a little emo last night and this happened so. Here you go to the 7 Noir stans who might not even read this!

Seunghoon wakes up in the morning and something is off. He hasn't even sat up yet, but he can tell something isn't right. Like everything in his room has been moved an inch to the left.

His feet touched the floor with great hesitation as he finally conjured up the will to swing his legs over and get up. It was ice cold, like a pond in the dead of night in October, and he felt everything rippling around him as he took each step. Like he was holy enough to walk on water.

And he has this feeling, deep in his chest, planted like a seed. It was not a good feeling. He's had this feeling before, he tells himself, so has everyone else. Everyone has woken up on the wrong side of the bed before. He isn't special, he doesn't get to neglect his responsibilities and ignore band members just because he can feel the seed planting its roots.

So he tries to go about his morning routine like nothing is wrong. He feels like he's walking too slow, like he's moving through sticky honey. This is too noticeable, he doesn't usually drag his feet in the mornings, he has to wake himself up early and then go wake up anyone who isn't already up and about. But he slept in today. Didn't hear the three alarms he has set for himself. Even Yunsung was awake already and he was one of the last people to get up usually.

He tries not to think too much about it, leaving his room to head to the bathroom. There's commotion going on in either the living room or the kitchen and it's giving him a headache. He can feel it building behind his eyes and the seed sprouts in his chest. He shuts himself in the bathroom quickly and locks the door behind him, trying to make himself breathe normally.

The water in the shower is cold by now and he can't bring himself to stand, instead sitting. He spaces out for a while, staring at the corner, knees pulled up under his chin. The sound of the water hitting wall and ground makes his ears numb, channeling out the sound. His eyes lose focus and everything blurs a little.

He snaps out of it when he finally hears someone pounding on the door, pulling himself back into his body to hear who's calling to him. It's Yeonkuk, telling him to hurry or else they'll be late for practice.

He rushes his way through the rest of his morning routine, drying himself off and throwing on whatever clothes he had grabbed on his way to the bathroom, quickly combing his hair and brushing his teeth before running to get his bag ready.

He loses focus again somewhere between stepping inside the van and making it to the practice room. He went through the motions subconsciously it seemed as he hadn't even realized they had made it to the company building until he was setting his bookbag down next to someone else's, taking off his hat to start stretching to run through their choreography.

He kind of wishes he had went the whole practice on auto pilot because now that he's in the cockpit again, he can't help but make mistakes, more than usual apparently. He can see Hoyeon side eyeing him in the mirror every time he tripping over his own feet or when he isn't in the right place and stumbles into Siheon.

Siheon doesn't seem to mind but Seunghoon can tell that some of the other member's patience is wearing thin with him. He tries to fix it, silently asks for one more run through so he can get it right this time, but he can't make his limbs listen to himself today. He still feels like he's walking on water, but he's sinking lower. Water crawling up past his ankles and settling under his knees. It makes the seed in his chest grow a little more, making itself bigger to reach the water quicker. He's being pulled apart by two forces hellbent on destorying him.

And then practice is over. He feels the stem from the seed growing, painfully wrapping itself around a rib or two as it weaves its way inside him, but he keeps it quiet and tries his best to focus until he can lock himself in his and Yunsung's shared room for a few hours. Just until he can get himself under control. Just until he can make sure his head is above water. Just until he can breathe without feeling a sharp pain in his chest.

He lays himself in bed when they get home, curling up under his blankets with the lights off, trying to feel things around him. He grips the comforter around him but it feels distant, he picks up his phone to text Yunsung and ask for a few hours alone, but it feels odd in his hands, cold and too heavy. He hears Yunsung shuffling around the room, quickly picking things up and carrying them with him to the door.

"Text me when you want me to come back hyung, take all the time you need, okay?" Yunsung says, leaving before Seunghoon could say something, if he could even bring his lips to form words.

Seunghoon doesn't want to be alone right now. The pounding headache only made worse by the boosted bass of their title track was at least a way to distract him from the tightening feeling in his chest. At least he was with the members. Hoyeon may not have been too happy with his performance and Siheon mightve gotten knocked into a lot more than he usually does but at least he was with them. For the few hours he struggled theough practice he was at least sure that he was real. That the others were real. He felt foolish for doubting any of that, but the growing vines in his chest, squeezing at his heart and his lungs made him forget for a second what was happening.

So, he sits alone in his dark room, under his covers, in cold spaced out silence. He can't bring himself to get up, it's like deja vu back to this morning when it was hard to sit up and place his feet on the ground. The silence is deafening, ringing in his ears and aggravating the headache that is still throbbing behind his eyes.

But the worst part is, he asked for this. He was the one who pulled the covers over his head. He was the one who selfishly texted Yunsung and asked him to leave their shared room. He thought he needed a little time to himself, he could dig himself out of this, swim his way to the top of the water that was slowly engulfing him, but he hates to admit that it's proving quite difficult.

Two short little wraps of knuckles on the door send his head reeling. It pounds in his head louder than the music did at practice or the other's loud laughs did at breakfast this morning. He involuntarily lets out a small, pained whimper. Even that is too loud for his aching head.

The door is opened and Seunghoon can hear the padding of their slippered feet as they walk over to his bed. From what he can under the blankets, the lights are still off so his eyes won't burn when he's inevitably forced to talk with whoever is now standing at the side of his bed. He takes a few stabalizing breaths before poking his head out from under the covers, squinting in the dark to try and make out the figure in front of him as they sit on his bed.

"Yunsung said you wanted to be left alone, but I wanted to come check on you," Yeonkuk says, threading his fingers through Seunghoon's hair to play with it, "You didn't seem all there today."

Seunghoon shifts a little, curling around Yeonkuk some more. He makes a small humph, hoping it's noncommittal enough not to worry him. Yeonkuk has had to play leader and eldest hyung all day and Seunghoon doesn't want to add to the burden he's already loaded onto his shoulders.

"I can tell something is wrong, has been all day, are you able to talk about it?" Yeonkuk asks. It doesn't sound probing or accusatory, he just sounds concerned and that perhaps hurts a little more. He can feel the vines tightening around his heart, squeezing it painfully, sprouting thorns to poke holes in his facade. "It's alright if you can't, it's hard to speak sometimes, I understand."

Maybe Yeonkuk doesn't understand fully, doesn't know everything Seunghoon wants him to, but he doesn't seem to be willing to let Seunghoon drown. His palm a calming weight on the back of Seunghoon's neck. Seunghoon closes his eyes tight, shakes his head. He can't speak right now. All the words he wants to say are getting stuck somewhere between the headache and the vines. Yeonkuk starts running his hands through his hair again.

A few more minutes of that leads to Yeonkuk tucking himself under the covers with Seunghoon, pulling him close. He feels warmer laying his head on Yeonkuk's chest, like maybe the water won't freeze him and pull him under.

Laying in Yeonkuk's arms won't fix everything, he knows he will still have days where the water is cold and the thorns are sharp, but for right now it's good enough. The waves pull back as low tide settles in, the thorns retract to make way for cosmos to bloom.

For right now, this is good enough.


End file.
